Here are 5 tips to help you build intimacy:
1. HAVE YOUR DINNER SOMEWHERE DIFFERENT!
This does not mean going to a restaurant. Dinner time is often when couples finally get to connect. And you have to eat daily, so make this time something special and a catalyst for connection.
Always eating a the kitchen? Take it to a picnic table in your local area.
Put a picnic blanket out into a lovely area of your garden.
Light some candles and eat on the floor somewhere different in your house.
2.A rose, a bud , a thorn
This connection framework invites all family members to share through reflection and helps to look for what was wonderful, beautiful or easful. It helps to develop gratitude.
-share a ROSE: what in your day was the highlight?
-a BUD- what was satisfying, what felt good, what was completed, what was fairly neutral but still appealing?
-A THORN:
what was hard or challenging, what disappointed you are got you frustrated or concerned etc...
3:DO SOMETHING TOGETHER THAT YOU CAN SHARE AND REFLECT ON:
i.e listen to a podcast together
read a book together
Porn together
And ask- what surprised you about that chapter..., what turned you on or didn't? etc
What was controversial that you disagree with?
What was hot or interesting that you want to explore personally and why?
Touch that isn't sexual and wont lead to sex:
Establish a container where you touch each other, through the lens of exploration, curiosity and pleasure that is sensual and interesting for the person receiving the touch. But no sex allowed.
What is something that I misunderstand about you, that you would like me to know?
This question presupposes that you are misunderstanding and missing something, so essential to loving and caring for your partner. It helps to unlock a stagnant situation or a challenge that is blocking your connection, by instantly naming your part in not actually knowing how or why this has happened and your curiousity and willingness to get the information from your partner so that things can be more harmonious.
Practice conscious intimacy in daily life and you will find that the more sensual aspects of your relationship will most likely open more.
I offer telehealth relationship counselling, sex therapy and intimacy coaching for couples and individuals and in- person sessions of sex therapy. Here to help your marriage thrive.
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